The isolation of a winter’s night. Though it is not snowing or raining. I still sit in the windowless room. No human interaction for me until my part of the world wakes up. I wish that I could be normal, even though there is no such thing. Everyone is strange, weird, and different. I am who I am. It takes effort to accept that.
I know the world is changing for many people all over the globe. I wish I could change the world for the better. My voice in my head (thoughts) Say that as I exist I change the very fabric of time itself. If that it is good or bad is up to interpretation. I choose to be good. So I learn from my mistakes. Push forward through the grime and muck. I hope that I leave impact much greater than I can see.
So when ever I feel down or those around me. I remind myself that I have a purpose. My purpose I choose by my thoughts, words and actions. It is a delicate world but there are strong people in it! I hope that any one that reads this might be empowered to do what their purpose is as they choose!
I awake eager and ready to an early start of my birthday.
I routine myself to the normal start of a day. I begin to awake as i run through morning diagnostics. All the time that I am moving through motions of the dawn of the day. I remember today is special. I remember that I have lived on this earth for 26 orbits.
It starts as an inkling of thought that brings life to itself the forefront of my mind. Then it hits me I have been blessed and survived a another orbit. I have come so far in the moons of the year. I have time to celebrate this rotation of our beautiful earth.
I have wonderful plans for this rotation. It excites me and i remind myself why is today special. It is the fact that I due to the complexity of the universe have been blessed with life from my creator and by proxy my Mother and Father. They all had a plan for me and for the first time in a while I am reminded that life is the gargantuan blessing that i feel today in my very bones.
Structure I have. Life I have. Love I have. Order I have. Blessed I am.
I need to remember this feeling for every day of my life not just once every orbit.
So here I am a mote on this world. But today I am a star burning bright. I will savor this light the rest of my duration on this geode.I will share my exuberance with every one I meet in my existence. The light shall shine in the darkest of places. My light, My life.
Bless all of you for I share this light with you all.
I sit here in front of the glowing screen. Relaxed and refreshed. This glow is keeping me from the thing we call sleep. Sleep is almost a spiritual experience, Diving into the dark zone of light in the depth of our human brain.
Falling deep into what is beneath our Current consciousness. But for now i abstain from taking the plunge into the abyss.
I love both states of my of life, both sleep and wake-fullness.
My grandma would say the World could use more “lerts.” I feel I have passed the threshold of use-fullness. So the rest of the night is for me to simply enjoy.
So my favorite music plays, entrapping my ears. while i shift through the various social media sites for something to hold the attention of my spastic state of mind.
I like to dance, for real. You would not think that i a 350 lb. man with a baby face and the legs of a towering giant would enjoy something like that. Though i really do. I enjoy it, but I am ashamed of my weight. I hide the fact that i do. I have passion for letting my body ease to a energetic trance of personal vessel movement.
I have an almost ephemeral loving thought process. People don’t normally get to meet this version of me. I wish people would understand that if you get to know me i can be quite a caring person.
I plan to use the rest of the night to watch a very complex show and try out the new violent video game that came out 3 days ago.
I hope this insight in to my life gives you power to do what you always wanted to do. I’m definitely doing what i want to do, so why not you. We need people to take honest action of their own design. Choose who you are going to be and just be you.
My day started at 2:53 a.m. waking up to a purring black and orange cat. My cat of course.
She is my companion of the night. That feline has the same hours as me.
That is enough about my furry friend. I want to talk about the new day that has been gifted to me.
I have an exciting day ahead of me. Places to be and people to see.
I’m excited about a group i will get to go to this afternoon. It is a group of people who are just like me (autistic). I will be to play games with my fellow friends.
Board games That is what we are going to get to enjoy together. This simple get together means a lot to me. I get to understand the complexities of a game ,but even more complex is the people.
These members of the group struggle as much as i do. Though when we get together we harness the power of fun and enjoy ourselves.
Hours away from human interaction. Little to do and Much to do. That is how my brain limits itself in the night.
I feel lonely. I should not feel this way i have another sentient animal with me. Even now she is asking for head pats and back rubs.
I will leave you with that a reminder there is always some one right there for you. You are never alone when you have animal
Onto the night and Onto the morning.
I’m the only one awake in my entire family. No one to converse with. No one to do activities with.
So i sit here semi-alone, (other than a needy kitty cat), waiting for the beginning of the day for every one else.
I will only get a 30 minute window with my parents to be with them as they get ready for their respective work places.
I have played a little of the game Overwatch. It was quite exciting due to the new additions of a Halloween match type.
Though i think of my brother playing the game. You see him and I play very frequently together in our free time.
He lives miles away in a city that i don’t get to visit very often. I do get regular correspondence with my guitar loving brother over many types electronic wave-lengths.
I don’t treat myself well staying up in the wee hours of the morning or should i say the dead of night.
I eat very little. My exercise is limited to going up down the stairs of the basement i live in.
So when they say that you are the worst enemy of thine self, I tend to agree.
I wish i was normal sometimes. Though i have a more strong inclination to be extra-ordinary.
You see i always wanted more from this life. I feel i have may found more in life today then any day in the immediate past.
I have this blog a way to air my thoughts. It is most satisfying to be writing. I see so much to be had in this endeavor.
I will be up many more hours till my body says enough of this torture. When i do claim that much needed rest i will enter the world of dreams. Dreams a place to travel the stars.
Hi I’m Justin an autistic gamer who has had struggles with the world since I’ve been 10.
I want to have a place to share my thoughts on so many things, Such as mental illness, gaming, hobbies, life great complexities, fantasy writings, and day to day occurrences.
This is an experiment on the therapeutic values of sharing my thoughts for myself and you the readers.
I’m what you call a geeky gamer with a huge imagination. I ramble on so many times that i leave the train of thought of everyone’s conversation and jump two light years away.
I hope that this blog will allow me to air my thoughts , but also give strength to those who feel afflicted of the same thoughts as I.
Welcome to the crazy dimension of my design hope you enjoy your stay!
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