I have a friend. Who means a lot to me. She has been a friend a long time.
She is in peril. A life debilitating Struggle. My heart goes out to her in this time of need for her. I wish I could do more for her right now! It is in the hands of her doctors and her loving mother.
I will not say who she is. I will not tell you what she is going through. I just will tell you how much she means to me.
We have been friends for a long time. She has seen me weak and disabled. She has seen me full of joy. I hope I brought some joy to her life.
She is the one who made this blog happen. I was engulfed in her almighty light of words. She made me enjoy the written word. I use them now to tell you she is a beacon in this grim world. I do not see darkness no more. I see beautiful colors and life of light.
I want to reach out to her to give her hope. I find myself shy to say these meaningful words to her directly.
I hope the day is saved for her. Like so many days she has saved me.
Bless the light she is, That I may shine back to her in the hour of her need.
I make the effort to be around people. I enjoy being with them. I love the things we do together. Though I still Feel every part of my mind and body collapse inside of my head.
It closes around my brain like a treacherous Ivy. The pain becomes real and concrete in my mind. I can’t breathe and I can’t think.
I try as I might, but the presence of others wrecks every part of my inner peace.
The labyrinth of thought constricts and multiplies. I will find a way out. I have to find a way out.
The peace to be alone calls me. I am here in my space. I am alone.
Til I tread once more into the light.
I had to do something I’ve been dreading to do. I found that even I made it a humongous task in my head, it was actually quite refreshing to finish!
The thoughts in my mind run wild. I actually find that the act of my ideas are pleasant. Responsibility, it is a momentous word. I find to be an adult is literally completing tasks that change your world and those around you.
I want to be this centered. I want to become practical.
I have so much free time. I spend it in various ways.I have discovered that my time is actually shorter than I thought. I’m not saying that I am going to die in a day or anytime soon. We all have a select increment on this rock. I choose from now on to make actions.
I still have a long way. I have more. I will find the way.
I will forge on.
I will glide among the clouds.
It has been a long time between posts. My scrawling mind took a break to lose a little sanity and gain a ship full madness.
I hope the readers of my blog will enjoy my new crazy. I have been on a long road of self discovery, well not that long. I feel as if I been down every sprawling walkway in my mind to return here.
I want to share what my experience of winter has done to me. The culling of the weak ideas. The bolstering of the strong trends of my life. I have taken to new ways of travel within my cavernous storage of my thought machine.
Sanity is just one mans or many humans perfect idea of a normal brain. I do not fit in that perfection. I enjoy the imperfection of a ever changing landscape of gray matter.
Hope to all who enter the recesses of your cranium. May you come out better than before, and hopefully not too mad.
Alone time. It can be lonely . I have mastered the introvert time that I have to make it a more enjoyable Time for me. There will be times where I will miss the sun and those who walk under it. I am definitely a night person. I like the sanguine night crawlers in our shared mythology. I just don’t need human blood as sustenance. I love the artificial light of Edison’s and Tesla’s great invention. When I have all this technology to interact with, I jump to joy.
I feel a interesting sensation of finding a place in my heart that is called satisfaction. I had so my holes in my mind recently. I release from the old me to a more powerful and balanced existence. I feel like this blog has empowered me to think and to learn. I write there for it is. I just needed a break from the waking world.
The night blends with early morning, which is soon to come. I look forward to the embrace of the new day as the sun hugs the clouds. I will visit upon the majesty of the light. Those who are mine will be loved. I will make merry with the those who have come to know me.
I close this post , with the thought of exuberance. Those who choose to read I hope your day can be as good as my night, or better yet even more.
The isolation of a winter’s night. Though it is not snowing or raining. I still sit in the windowless room. No human interaction for me until my part of the world wakes up. I wish that I could be normal, even though there is no such thing. Everyone is strange, weird, and different. I am who I am. It takes effort to accept that.
I know the world is changing for many people all over the globe. I wish I could change the world for the better. My voice in my head (thoughts) Say that as I exist I change the very fabric of time itself. If that it is good or bad is up to interpretation. I choose to be good. So I learn from my mistakes. Push forward through the grime and muck. I hope that I leave impact much greater than I can see.
So when ever I feel down or those around me. I remind myself that I have a purpose. My purpose I choose by my thoughts, words and actions. It is a delicate world but there are strong people in it! I hope that any one that reads this might be empowered to do what their purpose is as they choose!
I awake eager and ready to an early start of my birthday.
I routine myself to the normal start of a day. I begin to awake as i run through morning diagnostics. All the time that I am moving through motions of the dawn of the day. I remember today is special. I remember that I have lived on this earth for 26 orbits.
It starts as an inkling of thought that brings life to itself the forefront of my mind. Then it hits me I have been blessed and survived a another orbit. I have come so far in the moons of the year. I have time to celebrate this rotation of our beautiful earth.
I have wonderful plans for this rotation. It excites me and i remind myself why is today special. It is the fact that I due to the complexity of the universe have been blessed with life from my creator and by proxy my Mother and Father. They all had a plan for me and for the first time in a while I am reminded that life is the gargantuan blessing that i feel today in my very bones.
Structure I have. Life I have. Love I have. Order I have. Blessed I am.
I need to remember this feeling for every day of my life not just once every orbit.
So here I am a mote on this world. But today I am a star burning bright. I will savor this light the rest of my duration on this geode.I will share my exuberance with every one I meet in my existence. The light shall shine in the darkest of places. My light, My life.
Bless all of you for I share this light with you all.
I sit here in front of the glowing screen. Relaxed and refreshed. This glow is keeping me from the thing we call sleep. Sleep is almost a spiritual experience, Diving into the dark zone of light in the depth of our human brain.
Falling deep into what is beneath our Current consciousness. But for now i abstain from taking the plunge into the abyss.
I love both states of my of life, both sleep and wake-fullness.
My grandma would say the World could use more “lerts.” I feel I have passed the threshold of use-fullness. So the rest of the night is for me to simply enjoy.
So my favorite music plays, entrapping my ears. while i shift through the various social media sites for something to hold the attention of my spastic state of mind.
I like to dance, for real. You would not think that i a 350 lb. man with a baby face and the legs of a towering giant would enjoy something like that. Though i really do. I enjoy it, but I am ashamed of my weight. I hide the fact that i do. I have passion for letting my body ease to a energetic trance of personal vessel movement.
I have an almost ephemeral loving thought process. People don’t normally get to meet this version of me. I wish people would understand that if you get to know me i can be quite a caring person.
I plan to use the rest of the night to watch a very complex show and try out the new violent video game that came out 3 days ago.
I hope this insight in to my life gives you power to do what you always wanted to do. I’m definitely doing what i want to do, so why not you. We need people to take honest action of their own design. Choose who you are going to be and just be you.
My day started at 2:53 a.m. waking up to a purring black and orange cat. My cat of course.
She is my companion of the night. That feline has the same hours as me.
That is enough about my furry friend. I want to talk about the new day that has been gifted to me.
I have an exciting day ahead of me. Places to be and people to see.
I’m excited about a group i will get to go to this afternoon. It is a group of people who are just like me (autistic). I will be to play games with my fellow friends.
Board games That is what we are going to get to enjoy together. This simple get together means a lot to me. I get to understand the complexities of a game ,but even more complex is the people.
These members of the group struggle as much as i do. Though when we get together we harness the power of fun and enjoy ourselves.
Hours away from human interaction. Little to do and Much to do. That is how my brain limits itself in the night.
I feel lonely. I should not feel this way i have another sentient animal with me. Even now she is asking for head pats and back rubs.
I will leave you with that a reminder there is always some one right there for you. You are never alone when you have animal
Onto the night and Onto the morning.
I’m the only one awake in my entire family. No one to converse with. No one to do activities with.
So i sit here semi-alone, (other than a needy kitty cat), waiting for the beginning of the day for every one else.
I will only get a 30 minute window with my parents to be with them as they get ready for their respective work places.
I have played a little of the game Overwatch. It was quite exciting due to the new additions of a Halloween match type.
Though i think of my brother playing the game. You see him and I play very frequently together in our free time.
He lives miles away in a city that i don’t get to visit very often. I do get regular correspondence with my guitar loving brother over many types electronic wave-lengths.
I don’t treat myself well staying up in the wee hours of the morning or should i say the dead of night.
I eat very little. My exercise is limited to going up down the stairs of the basement i live in.
So when they say that you are the worst enemy of thine self, I tend to agree.
I wish i was normal sometimes. Though i have a more strong inclination to be extra-ordinary.
You see i always wanted more from this life. I feel i have may found more in life today then any day in the immediate past.
I have this blog a way to air my thoughts. It is most satisfying to be writing. I see so much to be had in this endeavor.
I will be up many more hours till my body says enough of this torture. When i do claim that much needed rest i will enter the world of dreams. Dreams a place to travel the stars.