I’m on the chasm, looking into the heart of Dark.

Find yourself they say. Inner peace you shall gain, What matters is naught. Life is pain. Find another way says the heart. The mind screams impossible. The soul aches for recognition.  The world around fights for the material.

I’m going to search. I must search. What do I wish to discover, what I have lost or what was always hidden. The strength fails in my body. The world sleeps. I awake with not much, but which I should have.

Do I want change? Do I need movement? I will gather dust at this current velocity. The world breathes, then coughs. The disease is caught. The cure is ancient. Find earth.

Life will live. Life will die. Life will renew.

The pulsating darkness from this ravine is relentless. I have one jump to cross. In the one who carried the cross that will take me away when the need arises. I curse. I ball my fists. I bawl my eyes, wetter than all of the oceans. I hope. I believe.

Metamorphosis!

The light shines on this blackened heart. The light care not what it shines on or in. The light accepts the darkness as it’s charge.

Evil becomes nothing for it always has had no substance. The sides of the hills that this crack separates, mend. Hope renewed. Running toward a true start or and old beginning.

Navigate the way O’ light. Show me the glory of your might. Show me he height of your love. Show me those who suffer, and how they been healed.

Light? Light. Light!

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I sit on the precipice of adventure.

I choose the path. When a new fork in the road appears. I hope that all the places I’ve been helps me to be a hero. A hero, I am. A villain I have been. A soul of learning, is what  I strive.

If the world will fight me, I will stand on my two legs and defy. I will love not hate. I am who I am. The people I meet are much. I hope to understand their ticking of their clocks.If you stand you don’t move. I am always walking. I am afraid of what I will find on the passage ahead. I look back and it gives me strength. If the world would stop now I would still move.

I choose life. I do not understand why life chose me. It did though. So I have a place to be in this world. What would you do if every thing was explained. I would miss the mystery. The secrets. The exhilaration. The choice.

So choose, I know you will make the right choice.

The Continuation of Life.

I have found great solace in life. I may be plagued with problems, such as bugs in code. I accept the ebb and flow. I find gems and rocks in the small world of mine, but immensity of depth, that of the Mariana Trench. I hope to find bobbins that cause great waves in the endless ocean of experience. I find only positive and negative charges , and it is my choice to what to power with them.

I have been corrected, chastised, and found wrong. I take the those objections and choose to act upon them. Those raw materials that I have been given or thrown at me. I change them to blessed artifacts of my own reality.

I hoped to change, and I have. I embrace this new life. I hope those out there can take this as a rock or gem, (hopefully a gem). I think this world will end me sometime, but it will be on its terms not mine. I will not give up. I will fight. I will change. I will blossom. You will too!

Gaming time with family

I find the experience of enjoying a good video game with the experience a great time with my father one of the best things in the world.

I find those moments that consist of my life meaningful when I am able to exist as a major part of my family and friends life.

I was playing a game most people have heard of Super Smash Bros. This game Allows for competitive and cooperative play. I chose competitive last night.

Some simple time with two people mashing buttons and thus making their digital avatar kick butt. What a great life i live.

I hope those around me that engage in this activity of shared focus find as much solace as I do.

Solo games are fun and all. Though when you see the face of your father scrunching to understand what is going on and then the next moment laughing brings a swell to my heart.

Thank you my loving dad for making me and still sticking around. He make my world a so much better place.

As I have seen in many Facebook posts this saying “You may not be able to change the whole world, But helping someone can change the world for them.”

So go play a video game with your family or just do something nice for those you love whoever it might be.

Plus mothers day is coming up so don’t forget to make your mom feel special. I know i will.

Love you Mom and Love you Dad!

The interesting case of the expanding toe

Did you know pain feels better than depression? That makes no sense to average person. Though as a person who Frequently visits the dark side, I got to say it is an interesting shift.

How did this pain happen? Well an accident is what happened! I would not wish this pain on anyone. The pain is a nice respite from the droning of my monotone blues.

I remember days when i would inflict pain upon myself just to feel anything. It was a gloomy place that I was in. I wanted out. I got out, mostly?

As the person I used to be and to the person I am today both struggle at this game called life. The story takes across different lands. Each day feels like a chapter of gears of war game.

You use your skills and hone them to the best of your ability. I find difficulty in games and life. I’m one of those gamers that plays easy mode on every game I start. Why should I be challenged by something that i want to escape reality with. Life is too hard as it is.

I am rambling on and making no sense. So I am going to end this weird diatribe with something of an uplifting message to my readers.

 Life may knock you down , but as many a great leaders have said and in this case Winston Churchill, “Never ever, give up!”

This is for my friend the blogger

I have a friend. Who means a lot to me. She has been a friend a long time.

She is in peril. A life debilitating Struggle. My heart goes out to her in this time of need for her. I wish I could do more for her right now! It is in the hands of her doctors and  her loving mother.

I will not say who she is. I will not tell you what she is going through. I just will tell you how much she means to me.

We have been friends for a long time. She has seen me weak and disabled. She has seen me full of joy. I hope I brought some joy to her life.

She is the one who made this blog happen. I was engulfed in her almighty light of words. She made me enjoy the written word. I use them now to tell you she is a beacon in this grim world. I do not see darkness no more. I see beautiful colors and life of light.

I want to reach out to her to give her hope. I find myself shy to say these meaningful words to her directly.

I hope the day is saved for her. Like so many days she has saved me.

Bless the light she is, That I may shine back to her in the hour of her need.

Hope

When you feel the walls closing in.

I make the effort to be around people. I enjoy being with them. I love the things we do together. Though I still Feel every part of my mind and body collapse inside of my head.

It closes around my brain like a treacherous Ivy. The pain becomes real and concrete in my mind. I can’t breathe and I can’t think.

I try as I might, but the presence of others wrecks every part of my inner peace.

The labyrinth of thought constricts and multiplies. I will find a way out. I have to find a way out.

The peace to be alone calls me. I am here in my space. I am alone.

Til I tread once more into the light.

A little work, A lot more play.

I had to do something I’ve been dreading to do. I found that even I made it a humongous task in my head, it was actually quite refreshing to finish!

The thoughts in my mind run wild. I actually find that the act of my ideas are pleasant. Responsibility, it is a momentous word. I find to be an adult is literally completing tasks that change your world and those around you.

I want to be this centered. I want to become practical.

I have so much free time. I spend it in various ways.I have discovered that my time is actually shorter than I thought. I’m not saying that I am going to die in a day or anytime soon. We all have a select increment on this rock. I choose from now on to make actions.

I still have a long way. I have more. I will find the way.

I will forge on.

I will glide among the clouds.

The re-emergence of My Sane Mind

It has been a long time between posts. My scrawling mind took a break to lose a little sanity and gain a ship full madness.

I hope the readers of my blog will enjoy my new crazy. I have been on a long road of self discovery, well not that long. I feel as if I been down every sprawling walkway in my mind to return here.

I want to share what my experience of winter has done to me. The culling of the weak ideas. The bolstering of the strong trends of my life. I have taken to new ways of travel within my cavernous storage of my thought machine.

Sanity is just one mans or many humans perfect idea of a normal brain. I do not fit in that perfection. I enjoy the imperfection of a ever changing landscape of gray matter.

Hope to all who enter the recesses of your cranium. May you come out better than before, and hopefully not too mad.

I’m having the most amazing night!

Alone time. It can be lonely . I have mastered the introvert time that I have to make it a more enjoyable Time for me. There will be times where I will miss the sun and those who walk under it. I am definitely a night person. I like the sanguine night crawlers in our shared mythology. I just don’t need human blood as sustenance. I love the artificial light of Edison’s and Tesla’s great invention. When I have all this technology to interact with, I jump to joy.

I feel a interesting sensation of finding a place in my heart that is called satisfaction. I had so my holes in my mind recently. I release from the old me to a more powerful and balanced existence. I feel like this blog has empowered me to think and to learn. I write there for it is. I just needed a break from the waking world.

The night blends with early morning, which is soon to come. I look forward to the embrace of the new day as the sun hugs the clouds. I will visit upon the majesty of the light. Those who are mine will be loved. I will make merry with the those who have come to know me.

I close this post , with the thought of exuberance. Those who choose to read I hope your day can be as good as my night, or better yet even more.